It's Not Over
by Karmagirl880618
Summary: TWO-SHOT! Nine months after Emily's death Reid is close to figuring out the lie. He's almost there, and his mind is just pushing him further. If anyone has the brain power to figure out the truth it's Spencer Reid. Rating will change.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello again! So this is my sequel of sorts to Eight Words. This will be two parts, this is just the first. I'm sorry if Reid is a little OOC, I needed to play with him a little (dirty giggle) to get him where I wanted him. **

_"The man who keeps a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep."_

_~Edgar Watson Howe_

Something just felt wrong...he wasn't sure what it was. But if anyone knew when something wasn't right, it was Spencer Reid. He had that nagging feeling he was missing something. He could almost hear his mother's voice "Spencer, pay attention," whenever he felt something off. It had been going on the entire nine months since Emily died. Hotch kept him abnormally busy like he was trying to keep his brain occupied. First it was something about the way JJ told them. He'd seen JJ cry harder when one of them was injured. She didn't cry until she saw Reid. It was like the situation didn't bother her so much as it bothered her to see it hurting him. Years of watching Hotch made it easier to notice the subtle changes in his face expressions. There wasn't really any grief there, there was guilt, sadness, worry as always, and the stoic anger he had no problem pulling off. Then there was the whispering, they stood off to the side, Hotch and JJ, and did a lot of whispering. There was a secret he was missing. Then there was the fact that Emily hated funerals, she'd said herself that she wanted to be cremated. Would they really disrespect Emily's wishes that way? Every time he got close they had a case and that needed his full attention. On top of the fact that they were down an agent he was given the task of overseeing Seaver's training in the field. He had no idea why but he was pretty sure it was just to keep his mind busy. It wasn't that Seaver was abnormally needy, she failed to realize that as nice as Reid was he still gets irritated. He thoroughly enjoyed answering questions; the issue was answering the same one over and over that bothered him. Emily must have had unlimited patience. "Spencer, pay attention." His mother's voice called to him again. What was it that he was feeling? Something was off and it was just on the edge of his consciousness. It was then that Hotch raced through the BAU saying they needed to be in the conference room in 5 minutes. They obviously had a case and Hotch would once again send him all over creation with Seaver tagging along. She would ask him 1000 questions mostly because chances were he knew the answers. And if he didn't he'd have an explanation for why he didn't.

_He'd had this dream several times; he was back at Emily's funeral. He knew it was a dream because of his wardrobe. He rarely went on strolls through cemeteries in nothing but his underwear. He wasn't alone either. His__subconscious mind__had several different voices, usually the voices of those he'd failed. Elle stood next to him barefoot in a long hunter green dress cut low enough to see the scar on her chest. The only thing that broke up the rather ethereal image his mind had conjured was the shoulder holster holding her gun. That was the way he always thought of Elle, strong, beautiful, and armed._

_"Why do we keep coming back here, Reid?" She asked perched on top of a headstone._

_"I don't know." She shook her head and started laughing._

_"Yes you do, Chico. You keep coming back here for a reason. What do you see?" Reid looked at her confused before turning back to look at the funeral._

_"Something about this bothers you. What is it Spencer?" That voice haunted him. Emily walked up next to him and slipped her hand in his. She was wearing a long read gown; he'd always loved to see her in red. Her__dark hair__hung around her shoulders and her__dark eyes__were clear and bright._

_"You hated funerals." He said softly. Even in his dreams seeing her choked him up._

_"That's right, so why are you attending one?"_

_"This funeral is for you, Ian Doyle killed you."_

_"Is that what you see?" She asked pulling him forward. He stepped up beside JJ while Emily walked forward and sat on her casket._

_"What do you want me to see?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest._

_"Sorry handsome, that's not how this works." He took a deep breath and sighed. What was his mind trying to tell him? Elle hopped up next to Emily._

_"You didn't fail, Reid. You need to get passed that wall you force up when something hurts too much. You saw something that seemed wrong to you. What was it?" She asked. He looked around again. Now that he really thought about it something wasn't right._

_"Two of these things are not like the others." Emily chimed walking in a semi circle around her casket._

_"Two of these things just don't belong." As Elle spoke circling opposite Emily people started to disappear leaving just JJ and Hotch._

_"You see them, but was there anyone you didn't see?" He looked around and it came to him._

_"Your family wasn't there."_

_"They should have been front and center at my funeral. Blood being thicker than water and all." He watched Hotch and JJ, they looked guilty. There were looks between the two of them that made him think they knew something he didn't. "All of this is a result of what you see here." The scene changed around them until they were back in the hospital where Emily died._

_"She didn't even make it off the table...so why couldn't you see her?" Elle asked standing beside him watching JJ break the news to the team_

_"She wouldn't want me to see her that way."_

_"Was that my idea?" He shook his head._

_"Who told you that Emily wouldn't want you to see her body?"_

_"JJ."_

_"Well, I'm seeing a pattern here."_

It was the same dream he'd been having for the past eight months. It only took a month for him to realize something wasn't right. It was in the wording every time he talked to JJ or Hotch. They never actually said she was dead. They'd say they missed her or that they wished she were there. It was more than likely subconscious and happened for one of two reasons. They either hadn't accepted it or they knew it wasn't true. His mind kept telling him it wasn't possible. They wouldn't really lie to the team that way, would they? They wouldn't watch everyone suffer through the guilt and pain of losing Emily. That would be the worst thing they could possibly do. He looked out the window as the plane took them to Georgia. They had found _HIM_ after they leaked false information on Declan's location. He was looking for him right where they wanted him. Reid's mind didn't even mention his name the same way Hotch rarely ever mentioned Foyett. He was Persona non grata in Reid's mind. The young doctor could honestly say he had never wanted anyone dead until now. This man had taken away the one woman he couldn't live without in what way he wasn't completely sure anymore. His hands ached for his gun and his heart pounded in his chest. He wanted this to be over. Once this was over he could figure out what he was supposed to do next. He was starting to believe something Gideon wrote to him when he left. He wasn't sure he believed in it anymore. They couldn't protect each other because they couldn't protect her. Post Emily, everybody was different. Rossi was quiet, he observed more than anything these days. Morgan was always angry; sometimes he just hid it well. There were new lines on his face and there was always grief and guilt in his eyes. Garcia put on a good show but she wasn't all that fond of Seaver. She did her best not to roll her eyes when she started asking questions. Seaver was marvelously oblivious to what everyone else was going through. She seemed intent on being ridiculously nice to Reid, bringing him coffee, asking him questions to get him to talk, getting too close in the movie theatre. Morgan was convinced she liked him and Reid was convinced he didn't care. That was how Reid had changed; he was colder and more distant. Rossi had figured it out, that Prentiss was more than just a friend and team mate to him. He didn't say it out loud he'd just clap him on the shoulder and give him a sad smile. The most he ever said was "yeah kid, I know" and that said it all. Hotch kept his words to a minimum and spent as much time away from the team as possible. And JJ, she'd suddenly become the outsider. She didn't really go out with them anymore and when she did she hung in the background. They were not as close as they had been, her and Reid, he only saw her when he wanted to see Henry. She barely looked him in the eye most of the time.

Reid was quiet as they climbed off the plane and on the way to the police department. They were meeting there to mount up and move out. He listened to the briefing and rode out to where they knew he was hiding. He'd checked into a hotel under one of his many aliases. The hotel was under 24 hour surveillance so they knew he was still in the building. Hotch wanted to send Morgan in with the SWAT team and the rest of them would come in behind but Reid spoke up. He wanted to go in with Morgan. He'd been practicing. He was a better shot, he was faster, and he was stronger. They couldn't see it but it was more than just his personality that changed. He'd grown up, mentally, physically; he even passed all his qualifications. All of it was for this day and this moment. He would never be a liability again. Before he went in he had a moment alone with Hotch.

"You know I'm going to figure it out." He commented softly giving the man he once respected more than anything hard angry eyes.

"Figure what out?"

"Whatever it is that you think I'm too stupid to notice you're hiding." His voice got harder and snapped at the other man like a whip. "And when I do, you'll know." With that he walked away and left Hotch to think about whatever it was he was about to say. When they were at the door he looked at Morgan, who knew all that he had done to prepare for this moment, and nodded. It felt like it happened in slow motion and too fast at the same time. He had a hostage; his men were down taken out by the SWAT guys. They'd dropped their weapons but he wouldn't. He just stared them down behind the wounded SWAT officer he was using as a shield. Morgan and Reid stood side by side with their guns pointed and ready. He'd used him as a shield until he was out of the room still aiming a gun at the man's head. He backed down the hall away from them and once he was at the end he took off. Morgan and Reid went after him with Hotch and Rossi hot on their tails. Reid knew what he did was a bad idea but he wasn't letting Doyle get away. He gave Morgan a nod and they split up so Reid could catch him the other way. The floor was a full square and they'd known the layout of the building beforehand. He was cornered but he was holding a gun aiming at Morgan. Reid didn't stop to think about it or way the consequences of what he was about to do. He just ran at him full speed tackling the larger man into the stairwell. The hit sent them rolling down the steps. There were punches thrown in the process and Reid felt the pain shoot through his knee when he aggravated the old injury but adrenaline made it go away. He couldn't hear anything but the blood pumping through his veins. He was in an all out battle with a man twice his size but it didn't matter. He hit Doyle and felt the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking. They hit the bottom of the steps and then the wall both jolted by the amount of pain caused by the sudden stop. Doyle made it to his feet first but Reid still had his gun. He saw the flash of metal out of the corner of his eye and fired until the other man fell. It took a second before the burning pain in his shoulder registered. He pushed himself up on the wall doing his best not to scream in agony. He looked and sure enough there was a knife sticking out of his shoulder. He heard Morgan's voice but his blood was still pumping loud in his ears. His friend's voice grew distant and soft as his vision got hazy. Seeing Hotch shake his head after checking Doyle's pulse Reid finally let go welcoming the darkness.

"_You know there is nothing wrong with felling bad about this?" Emily asked sitting next to him in the desert. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she was wearing the same long red gown. Her hair blew in the wind whipping around her face. _

"_He killed you. I shouldn't feel anything but relief." He responded staring up at the clear blue sky. But the truth was he did feel bad. He felt like he had every time he'd had to make that decision. He didn't want to be like them. _

"_You took someone's life, Reid. That's not supposed to be easy or comforting."_

"_He killed you; he killed the woman I loved. That should make me want to kill him shouldn't it?"_

"_No you wanted him to go to jail and suffer because you're you. You don't want anyone to die."Somehow he knew that's what she would say if she were alive. She had a way of understanding him that no one else possessed. _

"_He killed you, Emily."_

"_Is that what he did?"_

"_I saw them burry you."_

"_You keep saying that. Are you completely sure you saw what you think you saw?"Reid turned to look at her before several memories flashed through his mind. The first few were memories of Emily, then memories of the days before she died, other times when one of them had been hurt or injured scanning over faces, the day Garcia was shot, and finally in the hospital when JJ told them Prentiss was gone. It was mostly of JJ; one of the memories was of when she came to see him after he was shot. She had been in tears even though he was okay. So why was there no emotion there but guilt when she told them about Prentiss? "That's a very good question Spencer. You see the problem now. Time to wake up."_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep_. The sound was driving him crazy. It was right up there with the pain in his shoulder and knee. It was manageable now but he really didn't miss having stitches. He took a deep breath and fought the urge to swear. Nothing like a knife in the shoulder to piss you off. He heard voices around him. There was whispering off in corner and light snoring beside him. He tried to force his eyes open but it felt like they were glued shut. He finally got them open and immediately regretted it when the light them. He mentally likened it to being stabbed in the eye and then cringed at the thought. He tried to speak but his mouth was dry. He cleared his throat and all the talking stopped. Morgan was the first one to his side when he opened his eyes.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" Reid fought the urge to snort. Why did people ask that question when someone woke up in a hospital?

"Like I got stabbed in the shoulder. Is there any water?" The older man let out a snort and handed him a cup of water. He wanted to gulp it down but instead took careful sips. When he was done he looked up at his friend and asked the question he didn't really want to know the answer to. "How bad?"

"Well you won't be throwing any footballs anytime soon but you're gonna be fine." He snorted, he hadn't thrown a football in at least 25 years and he wasn't about to start now. He looked around and noticed that they were alone.

"I don't think they told us the truth, Morgan." He said quietly, he didn't know why he was being so quiet though. He guessed that knowing they were keeping secrets made him want to keep one too.

"You lost me." Morgan replied sitting down in the chair next to the bed. Reid adjusted his arm in the lovely black sling they'd fitted him with.

"Something has been bothering me Emily's death. Have you ever noticed the wording? I've never once heard Hotch say Emily was dead. He always says something like _I wish she was here with us _or _she's not here anymore_. It's either subconscious wording or extremely conscious wording."

"Kid none of us have been willing to say that out loud. You and I only recently won that battle. Maybe it's taking Hotch a little longer."

"I think they aren't telling us something. I'm hoping that now that Doyle's gone they'll tell the truth but I doubt it. Don't you want to know for sure? Wouldn't you want to know if they'd been lying to us this whole time?"

"I'm not sure I do." Reid looked at him as thought it was the first time he'd ever seen the man. How could he not want to know if he was being lied to? It was all Reid could think about. He dreamed about it and it haunted him. He needed to know the truth.

"Why not?'

"Because I'm not sure there's away for this team to ever come back from something like that." Reid hated to admit it but he thought the same thing.


	2. All Apologies

**A/N: Okay, so here is the end. I hope you like it. I had a lot of trouble with the ending. I wanted to go into a lot more but I think it's better this way. I hope you do too. I changed the rating because I'm paranoid, it's really not that graphic. I've written more colorful and dirty things. If you don't know that All Apologies is a song by Nirvana...well you do now. Reviews are love. Enjoy. I'm sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors. I thought it best to put it out there before I got nervous and changed it again.**

_"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return you will receive untold peace and happiness."_

_~ Robert Mueller _

Two weeks, two long, boring, uneventful weeks.

That was his sentence for ending Doyle and getting stabbed in the shoulder. He spent most of the first week doing random things around his apartment. He read about 12 books before he had to get out. He went to museums, movies, and bookstores. He did anything he could but he was bored out of his mind.

It was on Thursday when he started feeling like he was being followed. There was the feeling of being watched; he felt it all the time. He'd be walking down the street and the hair on the back of his neck would rise on end. He'd look around as a chill raced down his spine. There seemed to be a black Chevy impala following him too. Morgan mentioned having a similar feeling but he figured his overall discomfort was because of the date approaching at lightning speed. The fear of turning into his mother made him hyper aware of any delusion that found its way into his mind. But the person stalking him was very real. He'd always turned just in time to see her duck around a corner or slip into a shadow. He was sure it was a she, now. Not because he had seen her face, it was more like seeing a silhouette full of feminine curves and soft lines.

He actually let Morgan, Rossi, Garcia, and Seaver take him out for a beer because he was just about dying of boredom. As far as he could tell none of them knew what was going on. He was getting closer though. What was really bothering him? That was easy, the funeral. All the pomp and circumstance was the opposite of what she would want. She'd made a big deal of taking the decisions out of Elizabeth Prentiss' hands for that reason. She just wanted family and friends, they'd talked about it because of the job, she wanted to be cremated. So there had to be a reason to completely ignore her wishes. It had to be a production full of tears and broken hearts. It had to look authentic. Then why didn't they show the body? That would have made it extremely authentic.

Bruises could be covered and her abdomen didn't have to show. His brain spun off answers as he sat in his living room. You go through all that work to make a big production and you bypass the one thing that would have made it real, made it believable? It didn't make sense, unless there wasn't a body show. That would make much more sense. If you wanted someone to believe that someone else is dead. So the parade of grieving friends and family was a means to an end. So that would mean Emily was alive. He was on his feet and out the door before his mind really had time to catch up. He drove to JJ's house maybe a little faster then he'd ever driven to anything except a crime scene. He dialed her number from the car mostly because he didn't want to wake Henry if he was already asleep.

"Spence? What's up?" JJ's groggy voice answered after the third ring.

"I need to talk to you, can you come outside?"

"Sure, what's wrong? Is everything ok?" Nothing was okay about this situation.

"I'll talk to you when you get out here." With that he hung up. They'd been smiling in his face, lying to him and insulting his intelligence. He got out of the car when she came out in a hoodie and a pajama pants. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she looked tired. She looked more tired than she did when she worked at the BAU. Cloak and dagger bull shit must be tiring.

"What's wrong?"

"Is she alive?" She paled but did her best to cover it. He saw it though and he was beyond done ignoring it.

"What are you talking about? Is who alive?" He chuckled but it sounded off.

"Let's assume I already know the answer for the benefit of saving time. Let's also assume you still don't have a very good poker face." He said shoving his hands in his pockets. His gaze didn't waver.

"Spence, you don't understand." Reid shook his head another dry humorless chuckle leaving his lips.

"I understand perfectly, you'd be surprised what I can understand. But you haven't answered my question. Is. She. Alive?" JJ looked away and Reid could tell she was trying to figure out what to say to him. "Is she okay?" His voice broke and JJ's eyes shot up to meet his. He had tried his hardest not to hope but it seemed he had failed. No matter how much he tried hope bubbled up in his chest and made it hard for him to breathe.

"Yes." She said it so low he barely heard. "It had to look real Spence; if it didn't look real he would have gone after her again. She was worried that if he thought she was still alive he would go through us to get to her. She knew that if he got to you..."

"Why not just tell me so I didn't spend nine months in excruciating, mind numbing, chest burning grief? Why lie to me?"

"She didn't want to make it any harder on you than it had to be-"

"So you let me think the woman I love is dead?" JJ had tears in her eyes and falling down her face. Reid was holding back, he needed them to know he could handle this. "Who else knew?"

"Hotch thought Rossi was on to him but he knew if anyone would figure it out it would be you. I'm so sorry Spence. I wanted to tell you, I've wanted to tell you since the hospital. But we couldn't, everyone had to believe she was dead or we would be in too much danger. Hotch didn't know details, so if your pissed at anyone it should be me." Reid let out a sound that was somewhere between a snort and a sob. He was holding his emotions back but just barely.

"Thank you for giving me permission, JJ. I need an address."

"She'll be home soon. She wants to tell the rest of the team herself. At least give her that. This wasn't an easy decision for her and she's handling it about as well as you are."

He went to the BAU to tell Hotch he needed a few more days off. He'd planned on leaving him a note but he was sitting in his office waiting for him. No one had ever really seen Reid angry, irritated, unhappy, frustrated, cranky, tired, uncomfortable, sad, but never really angry. He was fuming now. He hadn't really wanted to see Hotch, but there he was. Hotch stood up and moved around his desk to talk to Reid. That probably wasn't the best idea. Before he knew his feet were moving he was on his way to Hotch and then his hand flew on its own accord. Before he knew it Hotch was on the ground and he was pretty sure he had popped a stitch. White hot pain shot through his shoulder, his payment for deciding to react like Morgan. Hotch looked up at him and it wasn't what Reid expected to see. He expected anger or to be fired on the spot. But Hotch looked like he'd been expecting it, just maybe not as hard as Reid hit him. He shook his hand and loaned Hotch the other one to get up.

"Feel better?" He asked working his jaw. Reid just shook his head but he did feel a little better. It seemed illogical but causing Hotch some pain had helped. He felt like a bastard for it though.

"How could you look at us every day, see the pain we were in, and not tell us? How could you keep something so heavy from us? We're supposed to be a family and you lied to me."

"I wish I had an answer for you that made it all ok but I don't. The answer is simple. I had to. It was for the safety of this team and everyone we love. It was what Emily wanted. It hurt like hell, and I hated every minute of it, but I was protecting the people I care about. I know you're angry."

"Angry isn't anything close to how I feel. I am livid, I can't figure out if I'm coming or going. Everyone keeps telling me that it's okay to be angry and it's okay to be sad but this is just about unbearable. Everything hurts. I almost called her twice this week. I pick up my phone and I start dialing, I know its muscle memory, and then it all hits me again. I suddenly remember that she's gone…or was gone. I thought I failed to save the one person…I feel like I failed her. Then I find out that she's alive and no one trusted me enough to tell me. I feel like a selfish bastard because I know but no one else does. But I have to talk to her." He was just plain tired after he poured his emotions out all over the place. Hotch nodded in understanding.

"Where did you learn to hit like that?" Reid couldn't help but snort. Did everyone really think he was weak and incapable?

"Morgan thought I needed more training in hand to hand. It made him feel better so I let him teach me." Hotch made a sound that reminded him suspiciously of a snort or chuckle.

"I wish I had known that before I decided to let you have that hit if you wanted it. But you only get one." Reid nodded. "I'm told she'll be back soon. They didn't say when. Take an extra week, it's not like you ever actually take sick days." Reid snorted before heading to the door. "Hey, Reid," the older man called to him. Reid stopped and turned to look at him. "I'm pretty sure you popped a stitch."

* * *

><p>He wasn't dealing with this like he thought he would. He thought he would hear that she was alive and okay then everything would be fine. Things would go back to normal. He would see her and all but attack her because he was so happy. But he wasn't as happy as he thought he'd be. He felt betrayed. He was angry, so angry he couldn't sit still. He did everything he could not to focus on waiting. JJ promised to call him when she was back but it was hard to wait.<p>

What was he supposed to say to her? How was he supposed to deal with this? He couldn't act like it didn't happen. He didn't have the capacity to ignore what he was feeling. He was cleaning and redressing his shoulder when he heard a knock on the door. He'd been expecting it; they were returning his gun to him. He called out to see who it was but they didn't answer. He walked to the door and looked through the peep hole. The person had their back to the door but his gun was in a bag in their hand. He opened the door and turned around without looking at the person. He was going for a pen so he could sign the paperwork necessary to get his gun back. He felt naked without it. He grabbed the pen and turned to look at the person at the door and dropped it. His breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded against his ribs like it was trying to escape. His vision blurred with tears as he took her in.

"Emily?" he didn't know why he asked, of course it was her. She smiled and ran her hand through her hair. It was longer than it had been when she… she was wearing red. He always loved her in red.

"Hi Spencer." He never made a conscious decision to move but it appeared his body had. Seeing her was nothing like he'd expected. All logical thought flew out the window upon seeing her in his living room in a tight red v-neck. Emily's back hit the door with a soft thump as his mouth descended on hers. She gasped grabbing onto him, her fingers digging into his skin. His tongue swept in seeking to plunder and explore as he pressed his body flush against hers. He let his hands travel over the soft cotton of her T-shirt before slipping underneath. Warm, smooth skin greeted him bringing needy sounds from Emily.

His gun hit the floor right before her shirt. Opened mouth butterfly kisses were pressed down her throat and chest before he nipped and sucked. His hands found her breasts where they were barely contained by dark blue lace. She arched and keened pressing the warm globes further into his palms. His deft magician fingers made short work of her bra before his mouth captured one rosy hardened nipple. A sigh that sounded a lot like his name egged Reid on. Her fingers gripped his hair dragging his mouth back to hers. He scooped her up drawing another sound muffled by his lips. Emily fused their mouths together her arms around his shoulder and her fingers nestled in his hair.

When they finally made it to the bedroom, Reid spilled her back on the bed pulling back to look at her. His hands never left her body stroking and caressing her. She was so beautiful, even more so with flushed skin and swollen lips. Emily arched and moaned as his hand slipped into her jeans. Reid pressed his fingers against the damp lace covering her making her squirm beneath. He licked and kissed and sucked and worshiped every part of her body. Her jeans and panties hit the floor as her fingers curled into his sweat pants pushing them down his lean hips and thighs. The smooth velvet of her palm wrapped around him pumping slowly with torturously steady strokes. He pulled away to keep things from ending too quickly kissing down her body. He stopped over her belly his eyes rolling up to meet hers before kissing the pink scar from where she'd been stabbed. Another sigh escaped as his mouth found her heat, his tongue dipping out to taste her. Emily cried out calling to the heavens as her thick sweet juices coated his tongue. Her orgasm sent her hips flying off the bed until he held her down and helped her ride it out.

He was on his way up her body when she flipped them over. She positioned him at her entrance and sunk down over and around him engulfing him in her slick heat. Reid groaned his eyes falling shut and his hips bucking to meet hers. The next roll of her hips was just as slow he hands pressing into his chest for leverage. He sat up to meet her fusing their mouths together plunging his tongue into her mouth when she gasped. Emily's hips rolled and bucked in tandem with Reid's as hands slid up the silky smooth planes of her back. He could feel every flex and flutter of muscle under hands as she kept a hard and fast pace. Her head fell back when he bottomed out inside her giving him access to her neck. He kissed and nipped and bit along her throat as her body clamped down around him. His name sounded reverent as she called it out in ecstasy sending a wave of heat down his spine. Her body would allow him to hold out dragging him over the edge as well. "I've missed you so much." She whispered against his ear her tears pressing against his cheek.

"I've missed you too."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't have any other choice." He rolled her over kissing her to silence her.

"That's a conversation for in the morning. Right now, I'm just happy you're alive. I just want to spend the rest of the night making sure you're real." She nodded bringing his mouth back down to hers.

* * *

><p>The next morning Reid woke up alone but his apartment smelled like breakfast. He sat up noting the sharp pain in his shoulder. He climbed out of bed and walked out into the hallway. The sight that greeted him made his heart pound in his chest. He leaned against the wall at the end of the hallway and watched Emily cook. She was wearing one of his button-down shirts; this one was dark blue with light blue and black stripes. The sleeves were rolled up on her arms and the shirt was open revealing her matching navy blue lace bra and panties. His eyes fell on the scar again as well as the rose tattoo on her right hip. She looked up at him and her whole face lit up. Her hair was tousled from sleep and various other things. He knew they needed to talk so he had to focus. He walked into the kitchen where she handed him a cup of coffee and kissed him. He didn't want to think about how he could get used to this.<p>

"Emily, we need to talk." She looked up at him and nodded. She stopped what she was doing, which he noticed was moving around for the sake of not being still, and leaned on the counter in front of him.

"How mad are you?" He thought about it, he was still pretty damn mad.

"How long where you following me?" She looked up at him surprise evident on her face. Reid kept his face as neutral as possible.

"Just a few days, I wasn't allowed to speak to you yet. But I had to make sure you were okay."

"Why did you feel like you couldn't tell me? Why lie to me? Do you know what it felt like when they told me you were… I almost…" He stopped when she looked up at him. She knew what he was about to say.

"Did you?" He shook his head and looked away not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.

"I said almost. I didn't do it, I broke them every time. After a while, just breaking them made me feel better. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy either. I wanted to, every time. So it wouldn't hurt anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"I really need you to say something else."

"I didn't want to put you in danger. I knew that if he got a hold of you I would be on the first flight out. But I had to stay away; it was the only way we could look for him. We knew there was a leak in Interpol, we just didn't know who. So we leaked false information about Declan's whereabouts to lure Doyle out. We were coming for Doyle ourselves, we were here but it was already done. I'll talk to you about the stupid thing you did later. I still had to be debriefed."

"I ended it."

"You tackled a gun wielding sociopath, Spencer. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking he killed the woman I love and he needed to pay for it." Her eyes softened and she gave him the same look she'd given him after she took a beating for him.

"I'm sorry you had to clean up my mess. I came this close." she said placing her hand in between his heart and his bandaged shoulder. Three inches over and we would have been a goner. "I came this close to losing the man I love. If he would have got what he was aiming for he would have taken my heart too."

"I don't know if the team can survive this."

"It wasn't Hotch's fault. He was read in by the state department and forced to keep quiet. It was less his fault and more mine. Well, Clive didn't help. I couldn't handle the idea of anyone being in danger because of me, especially you." He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers. "Can we survive this?" she asked softly looking down at the floor.

"It's going to take time but I'm not about to let you go again." No matter what, the important thing was that she was with him. He couldn't let her go again. He couldn't feel the way he felt again.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She met his gaze as she spoke, nothing but honesty in her eyes. He brushed his fingers over her cheek before sliding them over her neck and into her hair. He brushed his lips over hers tasting coffee on her lips.

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

"What do we do now?" That was a damn question. But whatever they did the only way everyone was going to get through is if they took it one day at a time.

_"There is not love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love."_

_~ Bryant H. McGill_


End file.
